VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
