we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
