is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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