i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
