Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
