Fine. I'll sleep in my office
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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