the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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