Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
