im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
