Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
