also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
