So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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