He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
