I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
