Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
