Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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