IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
