What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
