Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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