No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
