look no pants
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My ATM looks so different sober.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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