Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
