She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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