I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
