I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
