You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
