you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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