I think my fart just growled at me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
