i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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