Who wears a wallet chain?!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he fucked my hip out of place.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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