I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
