Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
