if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
