1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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