I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
