Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
