Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
