There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sponge bath it is.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
