Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
