Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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