Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
