I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
