I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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