My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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