I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
