Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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