You really coming over, don't trick.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
