did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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