If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
