I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
