I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
