You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
