If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
