Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
