It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
