Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
