We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
where are my eyebrows?
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