I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
