Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
