Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
