i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
