Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I party with great urgency now.
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