It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
