we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
