Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize