Plan B is the new Plan A
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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