u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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