I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
