i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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