i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
