my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
