my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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