My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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