Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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