dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His hands were made for my vagina.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
