I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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